Services

• MC Live Band Performance

  $1000

  Yeah I’ll get up on the mic and throw down! What are you looking at me like that for? Listen I know that it seems like I’m just standing up there on edge of the stage. Gripping onto the microphone with white knuckles and jittering, but that doesn’t mean I’m scared! That’s my hype up game, you fools. None of ya want to stick around and wait for me to enter into an anxiety induced delirium that invokes confidence in me via now-compromised situational awareness? Sounds like you should go listen to Panic! At the Disco.

  The price is high because I have mad stage fright though…

• Band Press Release

  $500

  For this significantly low price, I can turn on a Python powered AI that I have programmed perfectly to write your band’s press release. I see that you are incredulous, and that you worry my amazing brain-child of modern technology might not actually write a great press release. Well you’re in luck, no one will read about your sick Metallica cover, anyway.

• Create Band Posters

  $750

  Look, I’m not a graphic designer, and yet I still seem to understand that 5 or more fonts littering a garish piece of paper with a picture of a guy eating a cinderblock- IS A VERY BAD POSTER. Don’t @(at) me unless you want me to rip a couple fonts off that paper.

• I'll Hit A Dog (Seriously)

  Free

  Look, I ain’t above hitting a dog or two, you know what I’m saying? I’ve been around the block a few times, and the only thing I hate more than the cops, are small yappy dogs. I tried to eat one’s head, but my crybaby friends were all, “Nooooo! You’re always trying to eat wildlife, stop or I’ll pee everywhere.” Nobody realizes that a girl has GOT. TO. EAT. Anyway, cats are fine though.